Random Thoughts

     Well I am back here after quite a while. Just having a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind at the moment which I feel like sharing, I know I am talking to people who I dont even know and probably don’t care either but this is place is as good as any to key-in m thoughts. Well, I am 25 and spent a Saturday all alone doing nothing. It’s probably not normal for guys of my age. But then I have friends who are either out of town or just too busy with their own lives to have sometime hangout. Now and then I have this feeling where I should probably find better friends or maybe as time passes I’ll get used to this life and make friends with this loneliness.

     Sitting alone I either spend time with my computer or just thinking about the gal who bailed out on me almost a  year back now. It’s funny how she said,”I love you. Tomorrow i’m going to talk to my parents about us.” The next day she broke up with me over a text saying she was not sure. I still somehow cannot figure out what I did wrong. I have moved to the category of people who are treated to the ‘buddy don’t worry you deserve better’ line ever since. She left a big void, I have problems filling. Her dumping me wasn’t my fault but being stuck over her when she has totally forgotten me is entirely my fault.I’m not dealing with this thing well. I don’t have people who are helping me out and it’s also that I am too scared to talk to people about this. In faking a smile and pretending i’m all ok I am  hurting myself within.

     I need to stop doing this to myself. Sure the future is scary but just because your afraid of moving on you cannot let yourself be haunted by your past. I don’t live there anymore. It’s simple but only my stupid heart doesn’t understand.

 

17th Jan 2014

I get back to writing when i feel very in low in life. It helps me let go of things instead of holding them back to myself.

I practically dont have someone who I would share this with how i feel right about now, very low, very lonely all alone.

i very often feel there’s nothing to look forward to apart from work. Getting up following the same schedule ..same old work …and end of the day there’s nothing different from yesterday. Was I always like this, well even I don’t know that. But I have become this person who always want’s to be with someone. Its not that I am lonely or do not have people in my life. It’s just that the people I have are too busy in their own world. Their own girlfriends, boyfriends whatever I do not know. Some people are just plain selfish. Probably the worst kind of selfish. All they will remember me is when they need my help. Oh seriously I mean when am I going to stop meeting such people, God knows.

Life Goes on !!!

    Siting in front of my computer screen having nothing to do is the time when a lot of old memories start coming back. People who touched your life, time spent with the loved ones, parents , girlfriends, friends, sibling , cousins. All these people no matter however important, you cannot have all of them with you for the whole of your life. 

   You can think why not but then that is life. People who touched your life and aren’t with you have a sole purpose of inspiring you, making you smile when you are sitting by the window thinking of the past. There are people who leave us, people who leave behind. But there’s a reason theses people in your past din’t make it to your future. 

  Whatever the reason death, moving away, break-ups everything has a right reason and in time you being to see the bigger picture. This is all coming to my mind now because I am too busy thinking of my someone who isn’t with me anymore. But she will always be there, her smile etched into my memory, still feeling the warmth she had to offer, the first kiss still fresh in my memory. Yes it hurts to not have her by my side today, yes i would want to go back and change something and make things right. But that’s not how life works. You can’t have everything in life and you have to live with the fact that you can’t set everything right. Cherish the memories, remember the moments and smile . That’s what is best to do. It’s good to have a past but its bad to live in it. Life is best lived forward. People will come and go but your life goes on …

You are Unique !!!

If you lose perspective,your life is wasted they say. Doesn’t really take much to understand the deeper meaning the line has. God made millions of different people. He din’t just go copy pasting , he put effort into everyone of us and made us what we …unique in our own way, each one of us.
We weren’t put on the earth to please someone. It’s a competition for sure but I believe it is a competition against ourselves and not our fellow beings. So what you did to impress others doesn’t count but what you did to impress yourself , to be a better person today than you were yesterday does.
If you live to impress others you fail to explore your gifts. Your reason for existence may not be fulfilled by living your life on someone else’s terms. No one can play your role better than yourself. So in this play called life try and
play your part. Discover yourself and try and be a better version of yourself.
Live life on your own terms.The people who you try to impress today may not be there tomorrow. People will come and go. Forget what you are doing to impress others. Try and impress yourself. Wake up everyday to be a better person than you were yesterday. Find what makes you unique and live upto your potential. After all you are answerable to God and for the effort he put into molding you,it’s your duty to discover yourself and be the person he wants you to be.

That’s another weekend gone by !!!

For any working professional the weekend comes as nothing less than a holiday. Not everyone of them is fun filled and all happening but surely one tends to make the most of it. Mostly I spend weekends with my family or here in Pune at my flat playing my beloved PS3. But this time I decided to take my new FujiFilm S4500 for test. So went out with a roommate. Clicked some pics. Had a nice fun filled Saturday. Sunday was no less either. Roaming around the city all by myself with the camera to my company. Wud love to this more often. Adding a few of those clicks here. Hope you like them 🙂

Its Her Birthday !!!!

Its a tough call to make. Maybe that’s what kept me awake all night more than the phone rooting. Maybe she did stamp hard on my heart. Maybe what she did was totally wrong. I know it was. God knows it was. But is it sufficient enough reason that I do not wish her on her birthday. Maybe she still expects my text. I

What right I do not know but I have untill 11.59PM to figure it out

Store Room !!!

A few days ago I watched Little Manhattan again. One of my favorite movies. Love the innocence of LOVE captured in an almost perfect movie. Well apart from that the movie has wonderful dialogue where the child’s dad explains that our heart is like a store room. The more things we leave unsaid, the more the room keeps on getting filled until one day the room is full and there is no more room. Things which should have been said. Things which could have made a difference back then had you not chose to keep quiet and pile them in the store room.

Its so true. All the while we leave so many things unsaid considering them unimportant or maybe important but they might affect your relations or any other reason. We only realize very late that all those things comeback eventually and will pose as far bigger problems.

So it is always good to speak, to express yourself at the correct time. Maybe you will loose people maybe you will hurt them or you may get hurt. But trust me by personal experience I can tell you don’t fill in your store room. Speak up. Its for the good. At the moment you might not see it. Circumstances might blind you but eventually everything happens for a reason.